Who put the X in SEX?
Monogamy, we think it is our nature, but biology tells us another tale. Men and women are biologically different. No one can deny that. We are built with different sex organs, and made to do two different things. Males provide the sperm, women provide the eggs. So were we really built to mate and stay together?
The answer lies on our reproductive organs. Men make billions and billions of sperms. If men were meant to be monogamous they would not be driven to be so productive of semen. In fact if one man was given the chance he could father thousands of offspring. Yet not every sperm makes a baby. Chances are most of his sperm will die before it gets close to an egg. It is survival of the fittest.
Women only produce one egg per 28 days, so this must mean they were meant to be monogamous, right? Well biology is now telling another tale. After it was found that semen can actually fight inside of the vagina. That is right. It is a first come first serve war, and the winner is the dominant sperm. it seems that sperm can smell intruders, and some of the sperm will stay back and try to fend off the newcomers. The price they pay is with death, but in the hopes that the more dominant sperm will reach the egg. This would not be the case in a monogamous situation.
That is because it is an evolutionary development. A remnant of the past when a female mated with many males. She would spend time with her mate, and then leave him for the next suitor. this ensured that the males did not know who the father was, but the whole group would care for the offspring. Otherwise a dominant male would kill any offspring he thought were not his.
Monogamy is really a new word. For centuries kings, and men of wealth have had numerous wives, slaves and concubines. Even queens and women in harems have been known to keep other men around, and secret lovers. In reality monogamy has only served for the poor who wanted to retain their assets. It has not been common practice of anyone to be faithful for a lifetime. What we consider a standard for humanity is really just a religious designed illusion. In fact there is no where in any holy book that says for one man to keep to only one woman. There is only the command that one woman keep to her man. That was the creation of the security of men that their wealth was not being wasted on offspring that is not theirs. However; this has not changed nature.
From the time of the stone age to today if a man questions the paternity of offspring, he is more likely to be more hostile towards it, and care less for it. This is why it is often, but not always more dangerous for others to parent our children, when they are not biologically attached. It is an innate urge to not waste resources on offspring that do not carry our genetic code. Which makes modern parenting more complex.
The reality is we are primitively driven, and expectations about monogamy, and security are largely overblown. The chances of a person finding a mate that will be monogamous for a lifetime are probably as good as playing a scratch off ticket from the lotto. About one in every 500 win. In reality instead of fighting our nature we should accept it. This does not mean we all have to sleep with everyone, what it means is to understand that there are limits to how far we can push our nature. Dominant men still want to show their dominance by having lots of women. Dominant woman want to show theirs by being sexually selective, and enjoying lots of men.
No matter how you look at it nature is nature, and we are subject to the rules of the game. So maybe we should work with who we are. Put a little spice into romance, and accept people who chose to be openly non monogamous. We should understand that the rules to our true nature are decided by each of us and not society.